Where do I find him?!!
Dear E. Jean: I'm a confident, independent 31-year-old woman. I'm finishing a PhD in molecular and cellular biology, and I live a very happy life with a wonderful family and an amazing mom who taught me to respect myself and live a moral life. Which is why, by personal choice, I remain a virgin.
You must think I'm from another planet! My friends are shocked that I actually want to wait for the right man. But the men who have come my way are not my type—I admit I'm picky, but I don't think that's a bad thing. I'm young and full of vitality, so waiting is a great thing, wouldn't you agree, E. Jean?
I don't know, but I'm a firm believer that when it's the right time, God will place him in my life. But not even coming close to having found the right man, I confess, is starting to worry me. It's getting more difficult each day. Where could he be? —Waiting for The One (and Only)
Waiting, My Watercress: Of all the bunk a woman can believe in, the most fatal to true happiness is "waiting for The One." Shall I show you why?
Hand me your iPhone. Thank you. All righty. Once and for all, then, let's put this to rest and say that God actually has created The One—and "only"—chap for you. All we have to do is…
1. Find how many humans live on Earth right now: 7,258,438,547 (as of this moment). Check!
2. Divide the number of humans in half to obtain the number of males on the planet and add 59,792,070, because that many more boys are born than girls. 3,689,011,344. Check!
3. Load the chaps into a giant, quantum-style Tinder app. Check!
4. Swipe left on all married dudes, gay dudes, dudes who lack advanced degrees, dudes who don't do the dishes, dudes who fall asleep immediately after sex, dudes who lie on the couch without their pants on and watch TV, and so on.
5. Schedule coffee dates with the 2 million chaps you swiped right on.
6. Meet each candidate, look deeply into his eyes, and wait to feel that click.
NOTE: We're passing over the fact that you may, as you say, come "from another planet," i.e., one of the 1e+24 (or 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000) planets in our observable universe, and are simply trusting that God has put your personal lad someplace here on Earth, though Sara Seager, an astrophysicist at MIT, says we'll be able to find dudes (or as she says, "life") on other planets within the next 20 years, and she describes herself as being "excited" about this.
So, now, Miss Waiting. What happens when, after five or six years of looking into the eyes of the 2 million chaps, you click and meet "The One"? That's the moment a molecular fire spreads through your heart, and you flash all your saved-up sparkle, glow, oomph, dazzle, desire, sexual anxiety, hope, expectation, and love upon him…and the guy backs up, turns, and, picking up his skirt (your guy was born in Bali), flees in terror.
Or—you're ready for the or, right?—you can forget the six steps to finding The One and stop assuming God will do everything for you. (Anyway, God is a woman. And Her choicest gift of heaven is bestowing many, many chaps upon each Earth Girl—see that 59 million number above.) Simply place yourself where there are high numbers of elite men—polo matches, fundraisers for Doctors Without Borders, yacht races, charity balls, the Harvard Club, Silicon Valley charity runs, diocesan conventions, cell-biology conferences, et cetera—and when you see a nice fellow, smile and say hello. And, then, darling, if you let nature take its course, you won't be able to "wait" one single moment longer.
Dear E. Jean: I'm a confident, independent 31-year-old woman. I'm finishing a PhD in molecular and cellular biology, and I live a very happy life with a wonderful family and an amazing mom who taught me to respect myself and live a moral life. Which is why, by personal choice, I remain a virgin.
You must think I'm from another planet! My friends are shocked that I actually want to wait for the right man. But the men who have come my way are not my type—I admit I'm picky, but I don't think that's a bad thing. I'm young and full of vitality, so waiting is a great thing, wouldn't you agree, E. Jean?
I don't know, but I'm a firm believer that when it's the right time, God will place him in my life. But not even coming close to having found the right man, I confess, is starting to worry me. It's getting more difficult each day. Where could he be? —Waiting for The One (and Only)
Waiting, My Watercress: Of all the bunk a woman can believe in, the most fatal to true happiness is "waiting for The One." Shall I show you why?
Hand me your iPhone. Thank you. All righty. Once and for all, then, let's put this to rest and say that God actually has created The One—and "only"—chap for you. All we have to do is…
1. Find how many humans live on Earth right now: 7,258,438,547 (as of this moment). Check!
2. Divide the number of humans in half to obtain the number of males on the planet and add 59,792,070, because that many more boys are born than girls. 3,689,011,344. Check!
3. Load the chaps into a giant, quantum-style Tinder app. Check!
4. Swipe left on all married dudes, gay dudes, dudes who lack advanced degrees, dudes who don't do the dishes, dudes who fall asleep immediately after sex, dudes who lie on the couch without their pants on and watch TV, and so on.
5. Schedule coffee dates with the 2 million chaps you swiped right on.
6. Meet each candidate, look deeply into his eyes, and wait to feel that click.
NOTE: We're passing over the fact that you may, as you say, come "from another planet," i.e., one of the 1e+24 (or 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000) planets in our observable universe, and are simply trusting that God has put your personal lad someplace here on Earth, though Sara Seager, an astrophysicist at MIT, says we'll be able to find dudes (or as she says, "life") on other planets within the next 20 years, and she describes herself as being "excited" about this.
So, now, Miss Waiting. What happens when, after five or six years of looking into the eyes of the 2 million chaps, you click and meet "The One"? That's the moment a molecular fire spreads through your heart, and you flash all your saved-up sparkle, glow, oomph, dazzle, desire, sexual anxiety, hope, expectation, and love upon him…and the guy backs up, turns, and, picking up his skirt (your guy was born in Bali), flees in terror.
Or—you're ready for the or, right?—you can forget the six steps to finding The One and stop assuming God will do everything for you. (Anyway, God is a woman. And Her choicest gift of heaven is bestowing many, many chaps upon each Earth Girl—see that 59 million number above.) Simply place yourself where there are high numbers of elite men—polo matches, fundraisers for Doctors Without Borders, yacht races, charity balls, the Harvard Club, Silicon Valley charity runs, diocesan conventions, cell-biology conferences, et cetera—and when you see a nice fellow, smile and say hello. And, then, darling, if you let nature take its course, you won't be able to "wait" one single moment longer.
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