What Is Holding You Back?

“How are you doing though, Annie? What are you working on?”

Five solid months of living in Santa Monica may have robbed me of disposal income but has provided the simple luxury of a daily routine that includes encounters with familiar faces.

Thursday morning started with Married Mark from standup class who paused from scribbling in his leather bound notebook to greet me with a friendly grin as I passed by the outdoor coffee shop table where he was seated before heading to work.

“Oh, I’m just blogging,” I replied back, tugging my backpack with one hand and twirling my ponytail with the other. Briefly I explained the post I planned to write on what holds us back.

“For example,” I said, “Did I really have to watch an hour of The L Word on Netflix before I came here?”

“Maybe you did,” Married Mark replied back with raised brows. My brain was busy processing his outfit that included a navy semi-dress shirt with royal blue fitted sweatpants. The way that it somehow worked made me want to believe him.

“Maybe. I woke up with anxiety about how a guy hasn’t texted me for almost two weeks so perhaps I needed lesbian television.” But admiring late 90’s matching pant suits wasn’t the only thing that kept me from the coffee shop until 9 am.

The Morning Friend Named Fear

First, there was Fear.

• 6:45 am: Worrisome thoughts that included, “I should be working on something that actually makes money instead of writing. When is electricity due again?”

Then entered Distraction, Fear’s loyal ally.

• 7:00 am: Compulsive Instagram scrolling and email checking
• 7:15 am: Determining that I somehow deserve 30 more minutes of sleep
• 8:00 am: Obsessively analyzing which eyebrow hairs are safe to pluck for no reason
• 8:10 am: “I’ll just turn on the L Word while I make my smoothie.”
• 8:15 am: “I’ll just watch the L Word while I drink my smoothie.”
• 8:20 am: “Writing can wait.”
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Even as I walked to the coffee shop, a tinge of fear was felt despite Snapchatting gorgeous rose gardens along the way. I had to ask myself: “You’re going to your favorite place to work on your favorite thing. What the F is the hang up?”

A mental note was made to re-read a book sitting on my bedroom bookshelf when I returned home.

The War of Art

I love skipping awkward small talk when meeting people for the first time.

“I’m spinning my wheels lately,” I confessed to a new neighbor at our apartment complex potluck this evening. “I’m trying to write and be an amateur photographer and redo my dad’s hunting website, and I’m not getting anywhere with any of them. It sucks.”

“There’s a book you should read,” he replied. “It’s called The War of Art.”

Sometimes the Universe has to remind you of forgotten mental notes via Trader Joe’s wine, BBQ and a new neighbor named Brooks.

I’m Officially Faltering

Arriving home tonight to my tiny bedroom office, I reached towards the shelf behind the desk and pulled down The War of Art: Break Through the Blocks and Win Your Inner Creative Battles given to me by a friend in Arizona as a going away gift before moving. Opening the cover, I re-read the message he wrote on the first page:

Annie,

I’m pretty sure you were lied to, and so was I. We were led to believe that happiness is about finding a passion.

Bitch please, everyone knows what they love. Happiness is practicing it. Fortunately, you practice well! Should you falter, I hope you’ll read this.

Staring down at the book I realized: I am officially faltering.

What is Holding You Back?

Knowing your calling is a vital first step, as the last blog post titled “What Are You Meant To Do With Your Life?” describes. However, the handwritten note is right: Happiness is practicing it.

With a pink highlighter in hand, I scanned the book for my favorite passages and was reminded of the true culprit that holds us back: Resistance.

Resistance is what greets me in the morning as soon as I open my eyes. The one who escorts me into the coffee shop and whispers in my ear that I’m wasting my time and asks repeatedly, “How is this making money?” His best friend is Distraction who is like the annoying Insurance Salesman at the club who won’t let you dance with your friends.

He’s what keeps you from committing to a diet, finishing a project, running a marathon or pursuing what you’re meant to do. In the book, Steven Pressfield expertly outlines a myriad of explanations as to what Resistance is, including:

• Resistance is Procrastination: Procrastination is the most common manifestation of Resistance because it’s the easiest to rationalize.
• Resistance is Internal: Resistance is not a peripheral opponent. Resistance arises from within. It is self-generated and self-perpetuated.
• Resistance is Infallible: Rule of thumb: The more important a call or action is to our soul’s evolution, the more Resistance we will feel toward pursuing it.
• Resistance is Sometimes Sex: Because sex provides immediate and powerful gratification… It goes without saying that this principle applies to drugs, shopping, masturbation, TV, gossip, alcohol, and the consumption of all products containing fat, sugar, salt or chocolate.
• Resistance Never Sleeps: The warrior and the artist live by the same code of necessity, which dictates that the battle must be fought anew every day.

Can We Win the War?

But if Resistance is ever-present as Steven Pressfield alludes, how do you fight the fight on a daily basis? And effectively deal with his douchebag friend, Distraction?

1. Awareness: What exactly does Resistance look like to you? Too much wine and comfort food? Longing for the instant gratification of a makeout sesh? Checking Facebook faster than your friends can post? We have to know what Resistance and Distraction look like in order to properly win the war.

1. Appreciating fear: Steven Pressfield asks in the book, “Are you paralyzed by fear? That’s a good sign.” As his rule of thumb states, we know what we’re meant to do by the amount of fear experienced. Indifference never pointed towards greatness, in the same way that we don’t get that worked up over so-so dates.
2. Remembering each moment is another chance: Once Fear corners you, it’s easy to forget that you can turn the other way – whether it’s closing out of Pinterest, putting on your running shoes or finally sitting down at your desk after a potluck. As The War of Art: Break Through the Blocks and Win Your Inner Creative Battles says:

Never forget: This very moment we can change our lives. There never was a moment, and never will be, when we are without the power to alter our destiny. This second, we can turn the tables on Resistance. This second, we can sit down and do our work.

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